Don't Change the Message - Change the Audience

No matter how difficult it may be to deliver this word - I am going to do it. I cannot remember the last time I actually developed a full blog post (not saying there haven't been many messages to post) in contrast to commenting and reviewing other posts, stories and articles. It's important for me to remember that no matter how many others are writing and expressing views and/or educating readers it is just as essential for me to continue launching my voice. It's not enough to allow others to speak for you as it is for others to confirm what you have said. This is not really the basis of this post but rather a great segue into the main points for this post.

Photo credit: Presentation Expressions

One of the hardest challenges a leader continually confronts is advising others and getting them to implement what you have advised. I have this all too often, especially as a consultant in advising others in regard to their businesses or organizations. I particularly notice this among the "Boomers" in business. I happen to be one myself so this is not aimed as an age bias but rather a significant generational difference. Oftentimes, I find this group much more reluctant to embrace social engaging as compared to others because the societal rule of the day back then was to be discreet, conservative, keep a tight lid on it and so forth. Not true nowadays. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not one for sharing  every meal portion swallowed during the days activities however, social engagement in business is crucial. This cannot be stressed enough. Unfortunately, many [Boomers] do not share this fact. It's interesting to see how this will eventually affect business and social relations over the long run.

All too often I found myself repeating the same information to the same group. If there had been significant measurable change occurring I would have gladly repeated the message even now. What has occurred is the irrecoverable time and attention lost to other matters that have led to dire consequences in business, both financially and expansively. After a lot of reflection I was able to conclude that although I was delivering the "right" message, it was the unresponsive or reluctant audience that caused the disconnect. The audience continued to revert back to the outdated processes that no longer work. It was the same effect many experienced when Microsoft faded out XP Operating System and introduced Windows 7...we balked. I thought it was the wrong message but eventually had to come to terms that it was the right message - it was simply the wrong audience.

Photo credit: Microsoft, Inc

No matter what that message is, if it has significant relevance toward moving forward, advancing and being productive in positive and strategic ways professionally and/or personally - then it's the right message!!! Is not advancement that which the majority of humans seek?

Here's what happens when you constantly repeat yourself to the same audience:

1. Drain (Burn-out). The exciting thing about advancing and growing is experiencing something 'new'. We love the feel of new money, we enjoy the smell of new leather that accompanies a new car or purse (preferably Brahmin, Furla, Chanel), or the mental stimulation from discovery; whether that be a new concept of methodology it all resonates with development. Unfortunately what happens when nothing new occurs we lose anticipation or expectancy from our stimuli. We're all motivated when we expect a certain element of change to occur in our lives. If not, it becomes nothing more than the same ol' soup warmed over.
   
2. Something here
   
   
3. Something here

Conclusively, there's nothing more damaging to one's own growth and development than to stand still and hold others' hands who refuse to act on what you've advised. Being accountable to the time allotted each of us is crucial. One message inscribed upon my tablet that shall never be removed is this: Just because the message is not received does not make the message ineffective (of no effect). Don't change the message - change the audience. 

And At The End Of This...I Found Me!

Atrocious Bobbi Boss (Visso)

This post is probably the most important post I've ever written, especially for this sequence as it concludes this volume. I really don't know how to explain this volume of writings; memoirs in particular.

You see, this actually all started in Yahoo! Yes, Yahoo! I'll never forget that fateful day when the statement came down that they were actually shutting down Yahoo Voices (if that's the correct name for it), I began my quest to find a social medium that wouldn't go away and/or continually dismantle its products thus, disenfranchising its users. Well hello to the wonderful world of Google! I've never looked back at Yahoo for anything!

I cannot say the same regarding this post because as it concludes a blog that spans more than 7 years - I have had to look back. When I first began blogging I had no idea the impact it would have on my life. Heck, I was simply looking for an outlet to vent my fear, frustration, anger, grief, and even very liberating moments I encountered all while trying to find 'me'.

Not too long before I began blogging I had completed my tenure in Boise, Idaho and moved back home (Phoenix, AZ) temporarily with plans on fulfilling a stint with Americorps. My orders never came through for some apparent reason and boy...was I glad. Because everything that happened after my move back were life events that would have been difficult to face without the familiarity and support of family, home, and friends.

During my blogging "lifetime" I ended a tumultuous relationship, I suffered a terrible spine injury that changed my whole life, I became a grandmother (that too changed my whole life), I witnessed what I call "Dignity in Death", the passing of my beloved mother who through Breast Cancer lived everyday with her dignity, her conscious mind, and her grateful heart for God and her family that she deeply cherished, I gained the best son-in-law a mother could ever hope for (great husband and dad), I lived to witness the first bi-racial (African American and Irish) President of the United States of America, my baby brother re-married, I watched my daughters continue their education (earning their undergrad and graduate degrees), I buried a dear childhood friend, my most favored aunt, an uncle, and a beloved cousin, I lived through the biggest recession of the 21st Century, and I started my own company (Vision From The Inside Consulting), I was blessed with two more beautiful granddaughters, I even went to live with my youngest daughter in Las Vegas, Nevada for a while and after all of this...I turned 50!

(After the Party - Florida)

(South Beach - Miami)  

I chronicled my life so to speak, during a time when I was trying to know myself after marriage, after raising children single-handedly for 20+ years and now, living the life as the IRS deems: Single - No Dependents. Who? Me?

Yes, me. A woman who really wanted nothing more than to have purpose and meaning in her life. A woman who had big dreams and extensive plans on how she was going to change the world! I wasn't going to be mediocre neither plain and boring...I was going out with a bang!!! I was going to show others how it was done. But something else happened after the children were reared. Something happened after all those years of struggle being a single mother at a very very young age. Something else happened!!! Life happened - again!!!

No one could have ever made me believe that I would see sunsets sitting at a kitchen table for weeks that ran into years. No one could have ever made me believe that my "get up and go would actually get up and went". No one could ever have made me believe that the internal light would go out and I wouldn't be able to "see" my way. No one told me, neither prepared me for the day when it would only be faith that I would live by. No one told me that I wouldn't be anyone's little girl anymore and that everyone would have to die. No one told me that my footprints would disappear from the earth and live now only in my mind. No one told me that the elders I so easily went to for advice, support, love and wisdom would have to bow down to die...no one told me that I would be left alone in a world that has no love for its own kind.

It was as though I was slung away from everything familiar and spent the last 7 years groping in the darkness. It's almost like being in the dark for such a prolonged time that I forgot myself; I forgot what I looked like.

But something so profound occurred recently while visiting with friends in Sacramento, California. A few weeks prior to going there I did the usual, had my hair done (you know getting ready for the Easter thing with family and such) and acting on the advice from a sales girl at the local beauty supply store - I purchased the poorest quality of tangled fibers perpetrating as human hair as one could get. That mess gave me such a horrifying experience that my good friend had to take it out while visiting Sacramento.

Severe Outbreak

Severe Outbreak

If this had been my first encounter with poor quality hair products and/or even services that I have received over time from individuals bloating their expert CV's on haircare, I would be flat out lying. Over the years, I have encountered the worst and I have encountered some of the best of hairstylists, haircare products, and manufactured hair - but this time, it was different.

Another Costly Mishap

What I came to realize was that through all of those prior years of enduring homemade perms, kitchen sink hair weaves, bearing third degree burns from extremely harsh chemicals, and encountering a severe case of seborrheic dermatitis (a scalp and skin disorder), and now this, the worsest  allergic reaction to this vile, preposterous, wiry, synthetic substitute perpetrating as human hair I've ever had - I realized that it never was truly a part of me. I was using it to define who I (thought) was. In other words, I never stepped into who I am - it was never me! My struggle was not with my hair - my struggle was with defining who I am.

It was not until now that I came full circle and stepped into the woman of yesteryear who was a woman who embodied freedom, liberality, self-expression, and most importantly, authenticity. This was the woman I set out to be so many years ago!!!

The conscious woman, the feeling and caring woman, the guiltless, unbridled, non-cowering woman that has always lived to meet challenges of the unexpected, who would strike out with a bag and a prayer and land on her feet - on top. The woman that danced in the rain, played in the ocean, and loved to set off fireworks in the crowd. She finally made it back from those deep dark oceans that kept her from getting her footing; from clenched fists to open arms she was back.

 And it happened sitting at the kitchen table, in Sacramento, after making the statement, "here I was returning to Arizona with a scarf on my head," I heard a voice coming from behind. The voice of the next generation of young strong, determined, self-thinking African American women of whom must define their own beauty according to their standards and not those of Hollywood, Vogue, neither black rappers. This voice stated, "No, you're actually going home now as the real you." [Explosion occurred and the darkness was shattered]

She was right. I came home. I came back.  --Kimetta

Finally....

Me!

Doing It Sooner Rather Than Later

This post hits on a topic that is sensitive to many when considering the twists, turns, choices and decisions we all have experienced. As I continue developing through this post, Anthony Hamilton (Coming from Where I'm from), is banging in my hears seemingly pushing me on through this post.

I actually began writing this post October 21, 2011, not realizing until now just how long this post has set in "draft" mode as well as my life right now being back in the spot where I was when this post idea originated: Time for change.

Where am I coming from? I'm coming from a point of where not having what you want, desiring more than you're actually turning out, and remaining in a limited restricting circle of influence that can't get you over to another spot, area, set that will bring greater opportunities for you to win big. This is where I coming from.

Notice this: If I actually started writing this post more than two years ago and I'm regretfully realizing that I am still in a most painful empty spot - then this post certainly suggests I've made a decision: I'm moving out of this spot. Someone else can occupy it now. I certainly have no use for it now or ever again. And as the title of this post suggests: I should have done it sooner rather than later.

I've given my all to others for as long as I can remember. There were times when giving was all I wanted and felt great doing it. But then what eventually occurred is depletion; Being totally overwrought with no reward of being refueled neither replenished. I am exhausted.

Want, unfulfilled desires, stress, pressure to deliver, over-compensating have all left me exhausted with no one standing ready to replenish what I've given. No one standing with a cold glass of water, neither is there a hot cooked meal beautifully served up on exquisite dinnerware waiting for me to dive right in for replenishment. I got noodles.

If the people you're standing with have nothing to compensate you for your work, if they have no profitable network of associates to introduce to you for further advancement, if they have nothing to offer you other than what you can offer yourself - it's time to expand your circle of 'affluence' rather than your circle of 'influence'. Influence does not always suggest good, great, positive, meaningful, etc. However, affluence always suggests a means for greater resources.

In order to acquire the things I need and want my navigational sphere has to lead me into greater resource opportunities and gain.  I can never make it to the Ocean Club if I continue vibrating at this penniless level that affords me no more than the things I do not want neither serve me.  I must extend my hand across the table to meet others that are already seated where I desire to sit. Just as I am valuable to myself, my family, my friends and my clients - then too, I am just as valuable to those who don't even know me and don't even know they need me as yet.

It isn't until I show up in my full authentic self, possessing and utilizing all the same gifting, skills, and knowledge that others are benefitting from  and have immensely enjoyed for quite some time that newcomers (affluent) can see, benefit and enjoy while at the same time greatly compensate.

Doing it now requires me to redesign, rework, and recalculate my steps in order to reposition myself. Stepping out and away from the needs of others that have blocked greater resources from getting to me and vice versa is the second requirement. Now, I have to be visible to be attractive. I have to be seen to be asked. I have to be heard in order to be favored.

I have to do it sooner rather than later. And of course, I knew this was needed October 21, 2011 when I first started this post. SMH!
 

No Abandonment Here

(Photo courtesy of Business Insider)

 

 

Because I've mostly silent through this past year - please don't misunderstand, there's no abandonment here. As with the Book of Esther, albeit God was silent still, no abandonment here. For the most part, I went in search for self, listening, reading, exploring, living, seeing, life in myself and others and how we're all connected some way somehow for the better good - so no, there's no abandonment here.

I read your posts, I heard your songs, I've seen your infographics, infocommercials, info-posts and info-notes. I've watched your webinars, attended your seminars, took notes of your lecture and mimicked your conjecture and still, no abandonment here. Again, just because I remained silent does not mean I wasn't watching, neither that I wasn't caring...what did it mean?
 

 

I watched the spaces fill with words. I listened as the "noise" of the Internet began to swell. I watched as more and more experts told you and me to speak; to soar and still abandonment never crouched near my door. I told others to speak and to so it loudly. I coached you and him and them to score - I watched and waited to see who would pick up the mantle and run straight through the door with it to score. Not one. Not even two stepped up to fill my space.

No one approached to take my place, to speak, to point, even to erase the memories of my teachings neither the rules of social engagement. My space in this place still remains -  it still holds the thunderous clap for me as I re-approach the mantle that was made for me, my voice, my mission, my quest.

No abandonment here - simply put, I am back to flow as before in the prolific, in the prophetic and the theoretic. I am here forever more.